Complaining about Calgary is like competing in the Special Olympics…

…and not only because you’re still retarded in the end. It’s because it’s too damn easy these days. I was reading a thread at calgarypuck.com (I don’t have an account there; I am just drawn to the discussion, and when there’s no hockey, they discuss…other things) on whether “Calgary has lost it’s [SIC] appeal,” and the range of whining is completely unfocussed and completely out of hand. The city is “too big,” but it’s “not as interesting as [Montreal, Toronto, Hong Kong, etc.]” and thus “too small.” It “lacks culture” but has lost its “small-town atmosphere.” People have become “urban and unfriendly,” but at the same time there are too many “hicks from [Saskatchewan, New Brunswick, Thunder Bay, etc.].”

Look, everybody, just shut the hell up and take some deep breaths. Calgary can’t be all things to all people. No city can. But the random, contradictory, and (frankly) ignorant commentary about the bad new version of this city is starting to piss me off more than the problems of a growing, evolving city ever have. You want culture? You have to accept growth. You want diversity? You have to accept growth. You want the amenities of a major city? Well, guess what folks: THIS is what being a major city, a major city in the midst of an almost preposterously booming economy, is like.

You liked the old days? When Calgary was “friendly”? Are you talking about the old days as summarised at Pride Calgary? They went like this, in 1991:

Calgary has celebrated Gay Pride since 1990. In 1991 a small group of activists obtained a proclamation from Mayor Al Duerr, who understood the issues in terms of minority struggle. Unfortunately, the virulent backlash levied against him and his family put an end to that. That first rally - minus a parade, which was believed to be too radical even for 1990s Calgary - attracted 192 people. Some participants wore paper bags over their heads.

Needless to say, Pride 2007 was nothing like this. That’s not to say that the past was hate-infused or that we live in pure harmony now. The fact that Calgary is now the third most ethnically diverse major city in Canada, a city that took in more international immigrants, per capita, in 2006 than did nearly any other city in North America, also means that the mere opportunities for conflict are greater now than in, say, 1986. But my point is that people waxing nostalgic for how great things were in the past are probably doing a really bad job of remembering it. Even Calgary’s much-ballyhooed recent crime wave was not as severe as crime in, say, the 1980s. We are better off now in many ways, and I prefer the present.

Finally, on “culture.” This one riles me the most. Most people who criticise the cultural offerings here have no idea what is happening in this city. Here’s a typical conversation I’ve had too many times with both newcomers and suburbanites who’ve been here for decades:

Them: One thing I can’t stand about this city is the lack of culture!
Me: What do you mean?
Them: There’s no CULTURE here!
Me: I heard you the first time. I’m asking what you mean by “culture.”
Them: You know, plays, art, ballet, film…
Me: Oh, CULTURE. Well, since you’ve been so starved for that, you must have been so happy about this year’s High Performance Rodeo! Didn’t you love Laurie Anderson? And Compagnie Marie Chouinard? And the Kronos Quartet?
Them: What are you referring to? The high performance what?
Me: High Performance Rodeo- you know, you’re such a culture expert, you must know all about the oldest juried performance art festival in the world! So tell me, what was your favourite act this year?
Them: I’ve never even heard about this…
Me: Okay, you JUST TOLD ME that Calgary had NO CULTURE, but you don’t even make an EFFORT to find out what we DO have, especially when we have a world-class arts event like this?
Them: Look, one event doesn’t mean the city has culture.
Me: Okay, have you been to Wordfest?
Them: huh?
Me: Folk Fest?
Them: er…
Me: Fairytales Queer Film Festival?
Them: duh…
Me: Word on the Street?
Them: ummmmmm…
Me: The Honens International Piano Competition?
Them: durrrrr…
Me: The New Calgary Jazz Festival?
Them: grrrak…
Me: The Calgary International Film Festival?
Them: rrrrllllleeeemmmmbb…
Me: Canadian PlayRites Festival?
Them: I have to get to Olive Garden for dinner. Excuse me.

The next time you deride your city- whatever city that might be- for “lacking culture,” think about what you participate in and what you support. If your efforts have gone unnoticed or unrewarded, then complain away. But when you DON’T EVEN KNOW what’s happening in your own neighbourhood, just keep your stupid, ignorant mouth closed, stuffed with timbits.

Gah. People get to me sometimes.